Plight of ‘Married Bachelors’

Men’s marital status comprises being either married or single also called bachelorhood. However, work, education, and illness among others have forced  some married men to  live short or long distances away from their wives. 
This makes them to live like bachelors despite being married and they are called “Married Bachelors”.
While they have wholeheartedly done so to earn a living and adequately provide for their families, they go through some difficulties while making these sacrifice.
Some men become occasional married bachelors when their wives travel but the main or real marriage bachelors  are the weekly married bachelors who have opportunity to travel on weekends to see their family, others could be monthly, yearly and even decade married bachelors. That is the only go to meet their wives or their wives and children come to visit them on monthly , yearly basis or chronic married bachelors who go to see their families only once in ten  or more years.
In some cases it is the men who have gone to work or study somewhere else leaving their husbands as married bachelors because they have to start playing roles their wives were playing themselves.
A married bachelor could be within the same state or country with his wife or wives.  He could also be in a different continent and even planet! That is cases of men who travel to other planets or the moon while  their wives are on planet earth.
Narrating his ordeal as a married bachelor, Mallam Bala Abubakar said even though he goes to see his family in Zaria every week, it is not easy staying without them in Abuja.
He said a married bachelor has to do all household chores by himself.
 “You have to wash plates, sweep and fetch water to take your bath especially if you live in a house where there is no running water. There are so many things you have to do yourself especially when you live with dirty people. If you live in a compound where there are married women and children, you may be disturbed at the time you should relax or listen to right music as they may make a lot of noise or put noisy generator near your room when there is no light,” he said.
He said the very tasking aspect of being a ‘married bachelor’ is in the act of cooking. “Sometimes you put food on the fire and sleep off or you put it on the fire before you go to buy Maggi and comeback, it is already burnt.  All these makes one understand clearly that women in deed are  half the lives of their husbands.
“As a ‘married bachelor’, you are usually lonely, no one to comfort you when you are distressed but if your wife is around she knows how to read your moods and comfort you. You don’t even have anyone to laugh or discuss with or generally keep you company so the boredom is there.
 He also said while some  married women may just hate the married bachelors in their compounds others try to seduce them. “I have a friend who had to leave a house he was living in because a married woman there who tried to seduce him also started encouraging her daughter to seduce him too. Also married women often wash their husbands’ underwear but when the man lives alone he has to wash them, his socks, and others.” he said.
He however added that things are better for the married bachelor if he lives near good or responsible people.
Another respondent Hassan  Abdullahi  a young married bachelor said ‘Married bachelors are also popularly called ‘Abuja Husband.’ He said being a married bachelor affects how ones eats  adding that in his case he finds it difficult to eat breakfast because he usually eats together with his wife, adding that anytime she comes around his appearance usually changes for the better .
Abdullahi said  he has to wash his clothes and clean the house meanwhile when his wife is around she does all that while he just goes home after work , remove his clothes and sleep.
Mallam Nuhu on his part said as a ‘married bachelor’ he lives on indomie from Monday to Friday and  he doesn’t cook it himself but normally buys it from Mai Sai adding that on some days he closes late for work and don’t meet them or restaurants, he has to eat banana or dink garri to sleep.
He said he use to go to sleep when frying egg or call his wife on phone on what to when cooking spaghetti.
Mr Adewale Braimoh said being a married bachelor makes men to start having concubines or desiring other women. He said the men suffer too  if they are married to unfaithful women who could cheat on them while they are away adding that some men also take advantage of women that their husbands are not around by breaking into their homes or making advances at them.
He said some women also target married bachelors when they see no women in their houses and break their homes. I had a colleague who had a girlfriend before long he didn’t want to see his wife again.
 Another respondent a who gave his name simply as Effiong said ‘married bachelors’ should always remember their families and watch out for women with ulterior motives especially those who offer to cook for them or help them.
Mr Ekene Festus narrated that he has  been a married bachelor for two years now as his wife  who he trained through school gained admission for her Masters Degree programme in Canada. He said she had to leave behind their two children and he has been the one cooking, taking care of the children. “I have to juggle between my job and picking the children  from school. My wife has only come once this since the last two years but we talk regularly on the phone and sometimes   myself and the children do skype with her. It has not been easy so right now she has gotten a job with and NGO there and I am working towards joining her with the children.
Asked if there is a solution to being a married bachelor, Mallam Bala Abubakar said it is for the men to bring their wives to where they live adding “but the cost of living is stopping many from doing so and most people take home pay cannot sustain them so it is better”.
Commenting on the issue, Hajiya Hannatu said it is the reality of our time there is no solution as the nature of jobs and other reasons has made the phenomenon of married bachelor come to stay.
However, Mrs Esther Achimugu , an elderly woman differed. She said marriage means both husbands and wives should be together saying that her husband a policeman was always transferred from place to place but she always followed him, even sacrificing her jobs in some cases.
“If women don’t do that to keep their marriages and home they shouldn’t be surprised when someone else marries their husband for them. Then they will be married to their jobs or whatever kept them from joining their husbands,” she said.


Posted on July 25, 2014, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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